Heero-Yuy Suicide Counsler
by Big Mouth Billy Bass
Summary: Heero gets a job as a suicide counsler? I was bored so I wrote this.


Heero Yuy- Suicide Hotline Counselor  
By Big Mouth Billy Bass  
  
  
  
~ This is partially a sequel to my first fanfic A job at Petsmart. You may want to read that before you read this one. Some people said it was funny, and I know I spelled Duo wrong in that fic. You don't have to read it, since there isn't any real references to that story~  
  
To pay for the extreme bills from their one-day job at PetsMart, all of the Gundam pilots had to find jobs. This time it was decided that the pilots wouldn't work in the same place, since huge problems arise, when they worked together. Heero searched the local newspaper for a job, when he found the perfect ad. It said,  
  
Operator needed to answer phones calls and gives advice to Teens.  
Call 555-9302  
Starting pay $10 an hour  
  
Heero jumped on the opportunity. All he had to do all day was sit back, answer calls and give advice. Nothing hard, and at 10 bucks an hour, he would be stupid no to take the job. Heero called the number and talked to a man, who all but begged for him to take the job. Evidently the place needed people to answer the phones, and was taking just about anyone. Heero would start the next morning.  
  
The next morning...  
  
Heero woke up about 7 and got ready for work. Everyone else had left early, looking for jobs. Heero got ready and got to work before 8.  
  
Heero walked into the big, office building at the address that the man gave him on the phone. He was greeted by a security guard that told him where his job was. He went down the hall and opened the first door he saw.  
  
A short fat man came up and said," You must be the new suicide counselor, let me show you to your cubicle."  
  
"Suicide counselor?" Heero asked.  
  
"Yeah, that's what the operators are needed to do. Now follow me," the man said.  
  
Heero followed the man until the stopped at a cubicle.  
  
"Here's your desk, Mr., Mr. I'm sorry I didn't catch your name," The man said.  
  
"Yuy, Heero Yuy," Heero said.  
  
"Well, good luck on your first day, Heero," The man replied as he walked off.  
  
Heero looked at the walls of his cubicle, and stared at the rules poster on the side of one of his cubicle's walls.   
  
This will not work, Heero thought.  
  
Heero read of the rules poster it basically said, Be Nice, answer the phone like this, the basics. That was the first thing Heero ripped off the wall. Next Heero found the computer. He sat down.   
  
"I might as well play around on the net for a while until someone calls," Heero said to himself.  
Heero started to get on the net, and had just found a chat room that he wanted to get into when the phone rang. Heero picked up the phone.  
  
"Suicide hotline, this is Heero speaking," he said in a tone that was mocking the poster that he had just torn down.  
  
"Yeah, My name is Brett and I am thinking about committing suicide," a voice said on the other side of the line.  
  
"Really, How were you going to kill yourself?" Heero asked.  
  
"Well, I'm diabetic, so I was thinking about slitting my wrists with the my insulin shot needle."  
  
"No you're doing it all wrong. If you're going to slit your wrists use a knife. But I think you should stay a way from a cliché like that," Heero said.  
  
"Aren't you supposed to tell me not to commit suicide?" Brett asked.  
  
"All I'm supposed to do is give you advice, and I have some good advice here so listen. You take insulin right? Well what you do is you take about 10 times as much insulin as you usually take. After about 2 minutes you will fall into a coma and die. "  
  
"WHAT?" Brett said.  
  
" You don't like that plan. Come on be original," Heero, said.  
  
" I'm not committing suicide anymore," Brett said.  
  
" Hey, if you don't like my ideas then why did you call?" Heero asked.  
  
"You're supposed to help people with their problems so they don't kill themselves. You sicko," Brett said as he slammed down the phone.  
  
  
" Stupid kid that drug overdose was prime material. Almost as good self-detonation. I'm supposed to be helping kids out and they don't do follow my advice. Whatever," Heero said to himself.  
  
Heero got back on the computer and started to get into a fight with a guy in the chat room. Then the phone rang again.  
  
"Suicide Hotline this is Heero," Heero said.  
  
"Yeah, my girlfriend just left me. I'm thinking about shooting myself in the head," the kid said.  
  
"Do you have any explosives?" Heero inquired.  
  
"No all I got is a pistol, and a sawed off shotgun," kid said.  
  
" The shotgun will work. Now where does your girlfriend work?" Heero asked.  
  
"McDonalds," the kid said.  
  
"Okay, this is what you do. Take the shotgun into McDonalds; gun down everyone there. Then find your girlfriend, and shoot her in the head. Then turn the gun on yourself," Heero said.  
  
"But I love my girlfriend," he said.  
" Yeah well if you love her, you would want her to die with you. So do as I say alright?" Heero stated.  
  
"Okay, bye," The kid said as he hung up.  
  
The man that had led Heero to his cubicle came up to Heero.  
  
" A kid called me saying that you told him to kill himself with drugs," the man said.  
  
"Yeah so your problem is?" Heero replied.  
  
"This is a suicide hotline, you try to help people not commit suicide. You are fired!" the man yelled.  
  
Heero pulled out his gun, and pointed it at the man.  
  
"This is a suicide hotline, I'll do my job the way I want to. Understand?" Heero asked.  
  
"Yes..." the man, said.  
  
" Now go, before I shoot you," Heero said.  
  
The man ran off.  
  
The phone rang, on the line was a girl screaming hysterically into the phone.  
  
"Suicide Hotline this is Heero," Heero said.  
  
" My boyfriend came into my work with a gun, and said he was going to shoot everyone, and then shoot himself. Please, Please stop him," the girl yelled.  
  
The girl started to cry uncontrollably.  
  
"Hold, Please," Heero said as he switched lines and dialed the number of his favorite Pizza place.  
  
"Yeah, I would like to order a large Pizza with everything on it, hold the anchovies. My name is Heero Yuy. I'll pick it up about noon. Bye" Heero said.  
  
Heero switched lines again.  
  
"ARE YOU THERE? PLEASE HELP ME!!!!" the girl yelled.  
  
Heero could here gunshots in the background.  
  
" If you are going to talk to me, please talk softer," Heero coldly said.  
  
"My boyfriend just shot a bunch of old people," she said.  
  
"Oh, you're the one who dumped one of my "clients" well you can just die. Screw you hippie!" Heero said as he hung up.  
  
About thirty minutes later a radio bulletin could be heard.  
  
" A crazed gunman walked into a local McDonald's and gunned everyone down, before killing himself. The last of the victims was found holding a phone."  
  
"I'm so proud," Heero thought.   
  
Heero then quit his job. He got his money. He already helped someone and that was all he wanted to do.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
